Gusto kong nakikitang masaya ka…

Kasi kapag nakangiti ka, kinikilig ako. Kapag nararamdaman ko yun, sumasaya na rin ako.
Gusto kong nakikita kang nage-enjoy sa buhay. Tumatawa kasama ang mga taong mahal mo. Gusto kong nakikita kang maligaya, doon pa lang, solve na ako.

Hindi ako perpekto pero gagawin ko ang lahat, mapangiti ka lang. Dahil sa pagpikit ng mga mata mo at pagkurba ng mga labi  mo ang tanging dahilan kung bakit ako nagpapatuloy. 

Mahal kita kaya gusto ko masaya ka.


-D❤️

half-baked. 

I don’t want a half-baked love.

I’m at the point in my life when realizations came sweeping me. I came to realize that love is not about intimacy , but rather of consistency. 
A love that sustains is what I’m in search for.

I don’t want someone who only gives me butterflies on my tummy , but eventually leaves when I reach on my peak of emotions.
I don’t want someone who holds my hand tight at the beginning , and loosen up when things went wrong at end .

I want someone who stays , not someone who plays .

I want a relationship, not just a mere hooked up.

I want someone who sees me as his “lifetime” , not just for “spare time”.

I want someone who sees me as a choice , not just one of his options .

I want someone who “prays” with me , not someone who “preys” on me.
Because I want a love that lasts , a love that endures . It may took long for me to find the one , but I rather wait than end up with regrets .

-d❤️

That day will come. Just not today.

I am a firm believer in true love. I do believe that there is someone out there for me who will eventually sweep me off my feet and make me wonder why I ever settled for anybody else. There is a man out there for me, with whom I will celebrate countless anniversaries, Valentine’s Days and birthdays. There is a man with whom I will be able to get through any fight, distance or hardship, knowing that nothing will ever change. There is a man out there with whom I will share an unbreakable bond, held together by the deep desires of love.But not today.

I don’t want someone I “won’t be able to imagine my life without.” I don’t want someone to “have my whole heart.” I don’t want someone to be “my whole world,” or “my rock,” or “my better half.” I don’t want somebody who can understand me better than I can understand myself.

I want to feel whole. I want to be my own rock, my own anchor, my own soul mate. I want to understand myself better than anyone else can. I don’t want to look back and hate myself for altering my future for someone else when I know I wasn’t ready to.

That’s why I don’t want to find the man I will love forever today. Or tomorrow. Or the day after that.

For those who know me, you know that when I fall, I fall fast and I fall hard. I am a hopeless romantic who wears my heart on my sleeve. I simply love the idea of being in love. I can’t remember a time in my life when I didn’t have some type of interest in a guy. I love having a “texting buddy.” I love feeling desired. I have gotten hurt a few times, but I always pick myself up and try to move on. Moving on is hard for me, though, simply because I love being in love. I’ve called guys my “better half” and my “rock.” I’ve convinced myself that I couldn’t picture my life without them. I’m starting to realize now that that’s the last thing I want in my future relationship. Especially as a young woman in my early 20s. Before I enter into any serious relationship, I need to feel like I’m complete. And I need to be able to feel complete while completely alone.

Too many women depend on men to make them happy, and I would be lying if I said I haven’t done that myself. At this point in my life, I don’t know how to be completely independent when I’m in a relationship. I know many girls who can be, but personally, I don’t know how.

I have dreams. I have plans that only involve myself. I’m at a pivotal point in my life; I get to decide where I go from here. I can travel, move across the country and make stupid spontaneous decisions, just because I can. As of right now, there is nothing holding me back from where I want to take my life (well, having a bit more money might be nice, but I’ll figure that one out eventually). I don’t want to find my true love yet. I’m not ready to settle, and I’m not ready to alter my personal plans for someone else. The only thing I’m ready for is discovering where my life takes me post-grad. I’m ready to move across the country. I’m ready to make new and beautiful memories with the people I’ll meet along the way. But I’m simply not ready to fall in love again.

As my college career is coming to a close and I’m starting to find out what I want for my life, I’m beginning to realize that I never want to fall for a guy whom I consider to be my “better half.” I don’t want a better half. I want to be whole. I want to consider myself and my happiness as more important than any relationship I will ever be involved with. Does this make me selfish? No. This makes me able to know that I can and will be happy alone, no matter how many heartbreaks might come my way.

Some people marry their high school sweethearts; some of my friends have done so or plan on doing so. And I love them for that. I think their relationships are healthy, and I have loved watching them grow independently, even though they have a significant other. I admire them for that. There is nothing wrong with already finding the person who you want to spend the rest of your life with at a young age. You can still live a complete life with a boyfriend/girlfriend by your side at age 23. But I know myself enough to know that I’m not at the point in my life where I can do that.

I want to imagine my own life. I want to be able to navigate through life’s exciting opportunities and devastating disappointments independently — and if and when a guy decides he wants to join me, I’ll still be able to have the peace of mind that I can do it alone. I will be able to imagine my life without him, because at that point, I will have already done it alone.

Many of you may read this and view me as a loner. Or maybe you’ll think I hate the idea of love. Believe what you wish, but neither of these assumptions is true. Like I said before, I can’t wait for the day I find my true love. I can’t wait to be able to look a guy in the eyes, say “I love you,” and know that it means “I love you forever.” I can’t wait for a guy to love me, challenge me and support me emotionally every day for the rest of my life. That day will come, but I haven’t lived enough yet.

I’m 23. I have too many stupid decisions to make before I decide my fate. I have the rest of my life to find the guy who gives love a whole new meaning for me.

That day will come. Just not today.

TO MY ALMOST HALF.

What we had wasn’t out of convenience.

I received so much shit from people telling me that I was fooling myself, that I was only looking for a temporary source of happiness, and that ultimately, I was courting heartbreak while we were seeing each other. But let me tell you this: it wasn’t out of convenience at all. You weren’t my “in-the-meantime” boy; I believed you were the boy, but it just wasn’t the right time. We wanted different things and had different dreams.

I had to make a choice.

The whole point of being in a relationship is to help each other grow as individuals. But what we had was the exact opposite. It was difficult being stuck in the grey area. I never knew exactly who or what I was in your life. Ang labo na masyado. What I needed was assurance—that you were just as invested in us as I was—and that was something you couldn’t give me. It was a difficult choice, but I had to make one—and I decided to be selfish and ultimately chose myself and my happiness.

It was hard to move on, but look at us now.

I’m not going to sugarcoat this—it was hell trying to move on from you, because I never got the closure that I believe I deserved. You see, because we were never official, I was never sure if I had the right to demand for closure. But look at us now, we’re both leading completely different lives, when at one point, I thought it was impossible to live mine without you. Maybe I will never get that closure I wanted so badly, because maybe, it would be better that way. Or maybe we’ll see each other unexpectedly one day and things will be different.

Everything I felt—from the day I met you to my final heartbreak—was real.

We may have a had a pseudo-relationship, but my feelings for you were real. Whether or not yours were, I will never know. But know that mine were—completely.

I don’t regret anything. 

Thank you for taking me to the cinema when I wanted to see that movie so badly. Thank you for listening to me rant at my lowest points and for celebrating with me at my peak. I know we could’ve said goodbye in a better way, but all the good times we had totally outweigh it. I don’t regret falling in love with you the way I did, because you taught me that I am capable of letting someone else into my life. You taught me to be more adventurous and not to be so cautious—and I will always be thankful for that.

 

till we meet again my man.

-D♥

MAGHINTAY AY DI BIRO.

Mahirap mag hintay sa isang tao na walang kasiguraduhang dadating ito. ‘Yung parati kana lang aasa sa mga salitang “sa tamang panahon” at   “Maghintay ka lang, dadating din yan”. Pero kahit alam mong .0999 percent lang ang chance na makita at dumating s’ya sa buhay mo, wala ka paring magagawa kung hindi ang maghintay, hanggang sa mapagod ka, hanggang sa sumuko ka.

Sawang sawa na kasi ako maghintay. Araw-araw na lang nasa harap ako ng pinto, nakaabang, umaasang dadating s’ya, umaasang pag silip ko sa bintana s’ya agad ‘yung makikita ko, dahil naniniwala akong s’ya ‘yung magbabalik ng mga ngiti sa aking labi at saya sa aking mukha.

Pero kahit ilang oras ko s’yang hintayin ngayon, mukhang imposibleng makikita ko si Manong. Ang dahilan ng araw-araw na pagtambay ko sa harap ng pintuan namin at pag dungaw sa aming bintana. Ang nag babalik ng ngiti sa aking labi at saya sa aking mukha pag nakikita ko s’ya. Pag nakikita ko s’yang marami pang binatog ang tinitinda n’ya.

Mukhang pinaasa nanaman ako ni Manong dahil dapat kanina pa s’ya dumaan, pero tatlong oras na ang nakakalipas wala parin s’ya. Wala parin yung “ting ting ting ting” na tunog kapag malapit na s’ya. Wala parin ‘yung matandang lalaking naka bike na may dalawang timba sa likod n’ya.

Ganun nga siguro, kapag hinihintay mo ang isang tao, lalo itong hindi magpapakita sa’yo, pero kapag hindi mo hinahanap nandyan lang sya sa tabi mo. Ewan, ang gulo kasi ni tadhana minsan. Pero bigla kong naisip, paano pala kung dumaan na si manong kanina? Napa-aga lang pala s’ya kaya hindi ko naabutan. O kaya naman sa paghihintay ko may nakita akong pagkain sa lamesa kaya ‘yun ‘yung mas napansin ko. Parang kung sino ‘yung nand’yan kahit hindi ‘yun ‘yung gusto mo, s’ya parin ‘yung pipiliin mo dahil minsan sumusuko agad tayo, hindi tayo nagiging ma-tyaga at nagiging atat tayo kaya sa huli hindi tayo nagiging kuntento at hahanap-hanapin mo parin ‘yung gusto mo. Tapos magsisisi ka na sana naghintay na lang ako, at masasabi mo na lang na sana kahit hindi ka ngayon dumating, sana bukas bumalik ka.

……………………………..

“Ting ting ting ting” Napaiktad ako sa talon nung marinig ko ang busina ni Manong. Para akong nabuhayan ng dugo’t laman at biglang nalibugan sa binatog ni manong na kanina ko pa inaasam asam. “Hindi ko na to palalampasin” iniisip ko habang tumatakbo with slooww moottiooonn papuntang pintuan. Pag bukas ko ng pinto. “Paaaaaabiiiiliiiii poooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!” with confidence ganun.

Pero pag lapit ko. tuuunnggiiinnuuu!! Pinagong pala. bwisit. Parang akala mo s’ya na, hindi pa pala.

Ang saket sa heart </3

 

-d♥

TANGGAPIN MONA, YOU ARE NOT SPECIAL.

Minsan kailangan nating tanggapin na hindi natin hawak ang mundo, na ikaw ay isa lang sa mahigit pitong bilyon na taong naninirahan dito. Siguro bida ka sa sarili mong kwento pero hindi sa iba.

Kontrolado mo ang sarili mo pero hindi ang ibang tao. P’wede mong gawin ang gusto mo pero may hangganan at limitasyon ito.

Hindi mababago ang mundo kung mawala ka man ngayon dahil hindi naman sayo umiikot ito.

Isa kalang sa mga nakikipag-sapalaran sa buhay, Isa ka lang sa mga nakikipag-laban sa tunay na pag-ibig, isa ka lang sa mga naghihintay ng jeep, isa ka lang sa mga pumapasok ng umaga, isa ka lang sa mga nagtitiis, isa ka lang sa mga umaasa at ‘wag mong isiping kapag nawala ka, mag babago ang lahat dahil kahit tumigil ka pa sa paglalakad mo ngayon sa daan, Lahat parin sila gumagalaw, lahat parin sila patuloy ang buhay dahil isa ka lang sa karamihan and you’re not special.

 

-D♥

NAKAKATAMAD

Nararanasan mo na ba ‘yung parang walang nangyari sa buong araw mo? ‘Yung parang gigising ka tapos tutulog kana lang ulit? ‘Yung parang cycle na lang ‘yung buhay mo? ‘Yung pagkagising mo palang, alam mo na ‘yung mga mangyayari mamaya.

 

Grabe siya noh?

 

Ganyan kasi ako, parang wala lang ‘yung isang araw. Parang lumipas lang. Parang okay, tutulog na ulit ako tapos gigising ulit bukas. Ganun lang. Parang wala man lang akong maii-blog sa araw na to, ‘yung wala akong mashe-share na katangahan ngayon sa inyo. Parang blanko ang isip ko.

Pero hindi pala sabi nung Prof. ko, Lahat daw may bago. Araw-araw may nagbabago. Hindi lang natin napapansin kasi hindi natin kailangan. Nand’yan lang ‘yan pero wala tayong pakialam. May magbago man jan o wala at the end of the day hindi parin natin alam. Siguro kailangan lang talaga nating bigyang atensyon ang lahat ng bagay. Kailangan nating suriin para malaman ang kalahagahan. Ganun lang daw ‘yun. Kailangan lang nating tumingin sa paligid para malaman ‘yung tunay na kwento.

Kaya para sakin kahit lugaw na ‘yung isip mo may ma-bablog kaparin, may makwekwento ka parin.

 

-d♥

KONTING ORAS PA

Naniniwala ako na ang isang bagay ay nakalaan sa tamang posisyon o lugar.

 

Kailangan  lang siguro natin ng kaunting oras o panahon para malaman kung saan nga ba ito dapat, kung saan ito tama. Dahil kapag pinilit natin ang isang bagay na hindi sakto sa kinalalagyan niya, hindi magiging maganda ang kalalabasan.

Hindi tayo makukuntento hanggang mapalitan natin ang isang bagay na akala natin ay walang halaga pero ang totoo hindi lang natin nahanap kung saan s’ya nararapat talaga.

 

-D♥

SAWA KANA AGAD?

Bakit kaya may mga taong ang daling mag-sawa? Yung mga taong kahit madami kayong napagsamahan, ang dali dali lang para sakanila na bumitaw?

 

Ang sarap sapakin ng mga taong ganito noh?  ang dami niyo ng nalagpasan .. Yung mga problema na MAGKASAMA kayong gumawa ng solusyon.. tapos bigla ka na lang iiwan .. Hindi na niya inisip lahat ng mga araw na MASAYA kayong dalawa at kuntento na magkasama .. Hindi niya man lang naisip na kapag iniwan ka niya, iiyak ka ng sobra.. Syempre masakit yun para sa taong iniwanan.. yung tipong sobrang effort ka sa relationship mo para mag-work, kahit mukha ka ng TANGA gagawin mo pa din.. WALA EH.. GANYAN TALAGA PAG-NAGMAMAHAL KA ..

Pero kailangan mong tanggapin .. WALA NA SIYA. INIWAN KA NA NIYA.. AYAW NA NIYA .. SAWA NA SIYA.. OO, alam ko masakit.. pero wala ka ng magagawa kung siya na mismo ang bumitaw.. Tanggapin mo desisyon niya, dahil MAHIRAP PILITIN ANG ISANG TAO SA ISANG RELASYON NA AYAW NA NIYA.

 

-d♥