Can i install love?


can i install love?


Tech Support: Thank you for calling tech support for HOS – that’s Human Operating Systems. How can I be of assistance?

Customer: Well I’ve had this Love Program sitting around for a while and finally decided to install it. But it seems a bit complicated and I don’t want to mess it up. Can you guide me through the process?

Tech Support: Absolutely. That’s why I’m here. Are you ready to proceed?

Customer: I think so.

Tech Support
: Great. Let’s go. The first step is to check for any potentially conflicting programs that might be running in your heart .

Customer: Sounds good. How do I do that?

Tech Support: First hit Ctrl, Alt, Delete all at the same time. Got it?

Customer: Yes.

Tech Support: Great: Now click on the tab that says Heart Applications. Do you see that?

Customer: I do. Got it.

Tech Support: Perfect. What applications are running.

Customer: I see Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
and Resentment running right now.

Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However, we’ll have to uninstall the Grudge and Resentment programs. They prevent Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off?

Customer: I don’t know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?

Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and click on the Forgiveness program. You may need to do this several times in order to completely erase Grudge and Resentment from the system. In fact, I recommend that most people run their forgiveness program at least once a day.

Customer: I can see what you mean. It feels like this might take a while.

Tech Support: I can wait. Take your time…

Customer: Okay, done! And it seems like Love has started installing itself. Is that normal?

Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program. You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades.

Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, “Error – Program not run on external components.” What should I do? *

Tech Support: Don’t worry. It means that the Love program is set up to run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before you can Love others.

Customer: So, what should I do?

Tech Support: Go to the Start Menu again and click on the Self-Acceptance program. Got it?

Customer: Yes. It’s running.

Tech Support: Great now go to the modules drop-down menu and check the boxes next to: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your Limitations.

Customer: Okay, done.

Tech Support: Perfect. Now, click on the box that says “Copy new modules to Heart Directory.” And then click on the “OK” button. Once you do that, the system will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.

Customer: Done… Hey! I can feel my heart is filling up with new files. Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?

Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and running. One more thing before we hang up. Love is Shareware. And the interesting thing is that the more you share it with others the more stable your personal installation will become. So be sure to pass it along to everyone you meet.

Customer: I’ll definitely do that. Thank you so much,.

Tech Support: Thank YOU for installing Love!




To unlove and To unwrite the past.

My past is one person I used to love. I loved dearly. I’m quite shivery writing about her. This person tested my every capability, my every potential of loving. There is not much to be discussed or to be mentioned about this person but I do want to say thanks to her. I figured I have to reveal something someday, guess that’s now.

If you have loved, you have lost.

iDon’t feel too bad about it — sometimes things just don’t work out, people change, or maybe you weren’t right for each other in the first place. It is what happens after a relationship has ended that matters. Move on, let go, and make the best of things. But the question remains, can you really unlove someone and somehow unwrite the past?

Go back to the place where it all began, and learn to love the memories without them.

Wake up and stretch into all the empty space in your bed, because you have grown into something larger than they could ever contain.

Give yourself a second chance to be loved, but this time, don’t make it someone else’s job.

Buy yourself an ice cream or a cookie you always love, watch cheesy movies with yourself, and find the love you deserve buried within.

iLearn to forgive myself for letting them steal so much of my energy and thoughts of you, even after the warmth of your body was long forgotten. I have loved you so long that i forgot what it felt like, because every time it crossed my mind, i can feel your hands on my body.

Bite your upper lip, and learn to say love without whispering their name.

What happened could never be undone, life doesn’t have an ‘undo’ button to remove a wrong move, more like a touch move. Though, there is such a thing called forgiveness. It doesn’t actually make you forget things which I have read a hundred times but finally absorbed it through my own experience. Forgiveness makes it a little lighter though.

Little is good, little by little at least is how I’ve made it.

Our heart is a house so full of cobwebs, I can’t tell if the lights are on, or if anyone is home. It’s time to clean d’ house 😁. Change the locks to your front door, so you can stop hoping that they kept your key and are coming .

Throw out their old stuff and stop buying their favorite food. This is going to hurt and you are going to suffer for it, but like battling cancer, this is a fight i will win, because i have so much to live for, without them holding me down.

Climb a mountain and see how the landscape is beautiful, scars and all. Beautiful.

We are brighter than the farthest stars, so shine knowing that there are no words for describing your worth. It is just common knowledge.

Doesn’t matter anymore how many sleepless nights, how many tears i’ve shed out of self-pity from looking like a public clown, how many shots i’ve raised with a hope i’ll forget the next morning, it won’t matter anymore. Everything won’t matter including the sacrifices and emotional investments you’ve put.

It’s okay to let that go to waste rather than you looking like a waste.

Here’s to starting over again!



I am (Still) not ready to see you.



Yes, isee you as a friend. That’s not even a question.

We’ve been through so much together it’s impossible to think about. We trusted each other more than anyone else, more than our own family members even. And you’re still the person I’d call first in the event of a death or a fire or a nervous breakdown, mine or someone else’s . Well you’re probably not, but I’d still want to call you first.

I haven’t shaken that instinct yet.

True, our breakup wasn’t just any breakup. It was especially painful and horrible because i/we wholeheartedly believed we were IT for each other and the realization that we weren’t snapped us in half like a film cut, but it’s okay now. We had our run, it was good (for the most part) and now we’re going our own separate ways. You found someone else and I’m happy for you. But I’m still not ready to see you, because I know it’s going to be hard.

It’s going to be hard because I don’t remember you not with me. I don’t know who you are outside of me. You’ve only ever been mine, kissing my fingers and putting your lips next to my ear. Watching you do these things to someone else will feel like a weird replay of my own past, only with someone else cast as me and I’ll just be watching it, confused and displaced and feeling too big for my chair.

It’s going to be hard because even though I don’t miss you, I still kind of do.

But I don’t know why, I’ve checked with myself and I don’t want you back. I don’t miss your weird neuroses, your stubbornness or your chain smoking. I hated the fact that you refused to quit smoking on purpose, but it doesn’t matter now because I’m not the one who’s going to be single when you die. I bet you still don’t think you’ll get cancer.

I miss your weird convictions, how you used to think you were invincible. lols

It’s going to be hard because it’s been so long — we’ll be like semblances of our former selves trying to embody them unsuccessfully. We’ll try to put each other at ease but it will be like drawing a thicker Sharpie line over the thin line you messed up which will result in a nebulous black blob. We’ll get drunk like we used to but not because we want to, it’s just what we remember. You’ll tell me some vague outline of your life and I’ll nod like I understand what you do at your job, but I won’t. I won’t understand a lot of things.

It’s going to be hard because no matter how great she is, I won’t be able to fake liking her.

No, I’ll probably drink too much and say something mean, or drink too much and get lost inside my head. I’ll wonder what makes her so great, why you suddenly decided to call her “baby” . I’ll think she doesn’t know you like I do, but the fact is I don’t even know you and I haven’t for awhile, though obviously I’ll ignore this fact.

I’m going to think you can’t tell her “I love you” like the way you told me those effin’ words because you’ve said it to me so many times and meant it . Now you don’t so you’ve already used up that phrase, get a new phrase or keep your mouth shut.

You love me differently just like I love you differently and people change and move on and blah blah, but why is this sort of distant love the hardest thing to handle? How do people handle this? Do they?


this song though. lols

i’ve shed all the pain, i’ve been holding on what don’t kill a heart only makes it strong .

Dear My First Ever Girlfriend,

Thank you.

Why am I thanking you? You broke my heart into a thousand microscopic pieces that will never be put perfectly in place again. Yet, here I am. Thanking you. You helped me more than you could ever know.

You were my first real girlfriend, and I fell hard. ijust turned 22 and you’re 21.We were young, but we loved. We were something from a movie, like iwas a cheerleader and you were a football star. We were perfect. To this day, I’ve never loved as hard as I did then. That’s the problem. I had never loved or been loved like that before and probably never will again because you were the first person I ever felt love towards. We loved with every inch of our being.

We did every cheesy things that is oh-so embarrassing now. The ‘Good morning mars ko, mua mua soup soup i love you sososo much :*** ‘ texts every morning. The countless hours on the phone every night fighting over who was going to hang up first. Once we even planned a whole future. It was weird, but to me, that was everything

That’s where we went wrong. I thought we were perfect. 

We were far from it. Everything was flawed. As bad as I hate to admit it, I was obsessed with you.  I wasn’t just the casual girlfriend obsessed. I was madly obsessed. I was crazy girlfriend obsessed. I was full of flaws. I cared far too much  I was smothering. I needed to have you 24/7.

That’s where I screwed up.

I started planning our future the minute we hit our one year anniversary.We had made it one whole year. it felt like one year was an eternity and there was no way I could ever see myself with anyone else, It was me and you against the world type. lols

Again, I was far more concerned about our future together than I should have been & You were more concern with who was going to treat for our next date.

That was our difference. I saw forever. You saw someone to hang out with on the weekends. Do I blame you? Then, yes. I totally hated when you would hang out with your friends and not me. Now, no. I hate myself for not being more like you, and hanging out with other people. I wonder all the times  in what could have been, if I were  a little more like you.

It was March 2015. We hit our first year together.

I was so in love, and I had never needed anyone more in my life than I did at that time. Fast forward to May. Our world was being turned upside down, We were too busy in working our asses off to earn money. We aimed to earn big for our dreams.  for you to go back to school ,finish your degree and have a house that we can call ours. Times came that it felt like inever needed you more than i could imagine, but due to our goals i manage to suppress it all but one day you just distanced yourself from me.

i felt so devastated when i heard the real reason why you need to distance yourself,  itried to deny it a million times, it felt like iwas unbearable to be around. So idon’t blame you for distancing yourself.

What you did next broke me. I was shattered beyond repair.

Iwas not around with you in a span of two weeks because iwas working my ass out in the office making sure that you’ll be proud of me too (in some way).

That’s all it took. You were gone. I had lost you. 

I’ve heard the rumors, but you assured me they weren’t true. Later that day, you told me the truth.

Was she prettier than me? Was she willing to give you something I refused to? Was I not enough for you? You assured me it was meaningless and we would “work through this”

Since my parents are not in good terms,  iknow the real meaning of the word  “working through things” which didnt & wont happen, but I believed you because I was in love. Then you ruined me.

Through a quick meet up.

A year and few months of love, it all ends in a 30min meetup.

ihad so much to ask,so much to clarify and so much to tell but you said you have to go. frm there it all ended.

You left me hanging.You left me in the middle of my friends choosing to not be friends with me.

How could you?

What kind of soulless monster could just leave the love of their life in the midst of a crisis without even a phone call?

But you weren’t a soulless monster. You were  just a young girl.

I had made us to be the family I longed for. While mine at home was broken, I used you to fantasize about the family I needed. You weren’t innocent. You contributed to my ideas and grand vision. You promised me we would never be like them.

You promised me forever. Forever ended.

It was me against the world. I had next to no one. I had abandoned all of my friends to spend every waking hours with you. I was alone in my darkest hour.

This is why I am thanking you. 

You gave me independence. You gave me courage. You gave me freedom. You gave me power. You gave me strength. You gave me things I could never give myself.

I got through the hardest thing in my life alone. For a very long time, I hated you.  I despised you with every inch of my being.

Over time, I came to realize you made me ‘ME’. For that I thank you.

Thank you for shattering me at rock bottom. From rock bottom, I climbed to the top. Alone.

Now, I’m 23. We are each others pasts, and that is where we will stay.

So, to my forever mars, to my first girlfriend, I can never thank you enough. You took me from needy little girl, and helped mold me into the unstoppable, independent, strong-willed, determined, free spirited, feminist powerhouse, super woman I am today.

For that, I am forever grateful.   

PS. I don’t miss the emotional abuse, but I do miss having you by my side. I miss your laugh. I miss your smile. I miss the way you used to look at me, all warm and glowing like you were the sun and I was the earth, and that’s how it was for a year that we’ve been together.

Thanks for the wild ride, mars. You’ll always hold a piece of my heart.



Goodbye to you, Goodbye to everything I thought I knew.

11328915_1579523675648564_1820299047_n (1)Remember the day when you said: ” I promise that no matter what may happen we will make it through. Please take this ring as a symbol of the love” **then my heart melted**


Isn’t it funny how you can think you’re completely over someone, but if you walk past her workplace, stumble upon a meaningful song you both shared, or even get a glance of her on the street…

just in an instant, it can change all that. And you start to remember the pain. And that hollow space is feeling more and more like the Grand Canyon with every second that goes by.

But you bury these feelings deep down, so deep that you’re sure no one will be able to tell. To the outside world, you smile and act like nothing is wrong or ever will be. Everything’s just perfect. For that split second that you’ve locked eyes, a tiny whisper, say “make this last forever, only and just moment forever and ever.”

But after a second or so, you go along your own merry way, all the while  realizing how much you do miss her, how much you still love her… and it sticks with you for days, weeks, maybe months, until fate decides to hand you another one of those unexpected moments.

And then you finally understand the worst feeling in the world is when the person you love the most is standing right next to you, yet you can never have them.

Try as you may, you can’t make someone love you.


Loving can hurt, loving can hurt sometimes (click the link)




Dearest E.P,

For your sake, I won’t say your name.

I know it well, and I cant get it out of my head. But to you, you who hurt me, you who took away my relationship, you who selfishly thought of only your own happiness, thank you.

We have never met. but I know, you know who I am right? 🙂

I am the woman you saved through the strangest means possible. One fine Ordinary day, my girlfriend cheated on me because of you. And through social media, you must have known I existed.

I could say congratulations or you win, or even the cliché — you deserve each other, but I won’t. I will say thank you.

You would think I would hate you, because you did to another woman what all women fear most, but I don’t hate you. You have done me an incredible deed that I did not have the courage to do myself.

Thank you for setting me free. Thank you for saving me a future full of pain and lies. Thank you for showing her true colors through your joint actions. Thank you for giving me a reason to say goodbye to the biggest blockade I have ever faced.

Thank you for opening my future up again.

Thank you for taking the blame, for giving me a reason to leave, to give me a reason to start over.

Thank you for reminding me that I am worth so much more than lies and deception, that I don’t have to take the emotional abuse and trauma of this experience lying down.

Thank you for showing me that my mom was always right, and for letting me feel the overwhelming love of the friendships I had forgotten.

Thank you for showing me that there are better ways to spend my time and my tears. Thank you for sending me running to God, for reminding me that I am nothing without my true Savior ♥

Thank you for bringing me to my knees, for reminding me of what pain feels like, for without pain we cannot understand the beauty of healing.

Without bad, we cannot understand good.

Without your interference, I would not have lost my breath; but because of you, I have learned to breathe again.

Thank you.


The girl you helped to set free.




Hi RKR! 🙂

iknow you’re reading this 🙂 

Please let EP read my love note for her.  **fist bump**



Before we get into a relationship, I  already warned you that iwas complicated.

And you told me you could handle it, over time itrusted you and opened up to you .


But once you saw how much of a mess Iwas, you got up and left.


If you can’t handle something, don’t lie and pretend you can because you will only make things worse, like me.



When i see you again.

Few months passed by.

I wanted to know, curiosity kept bugging me to know whether what I thought I felt all this while can be justified. Not a moment passed by that it didn’t dawn on me how things have changed between us. With every bit of happiness I felt in my bones,I had to immediately remind myself of the reality I’m accepting day by day. That the happiness could no longer cross the wall we’ve slowly built for the past months.

That brief moment of contact at first was enough to keep my heart beating fast. But with every hug we exchanged, all I wanted right then was to stop the clock from ticking, to make the world stop. For us to continue being wrapped around each other’s arms ,for us to never let go and leave.I captured that moment and registered every single detail of what I felt on my mind. Because I know there can never be a repeat of that moment, I chose to let my guard down and enjoy the comfort of your presence. The hint of regret and longing in your eyes were enough to make my heart ache more than I thought it would.I could sense how much you missed me just by how much you never wanted to let me go then.

That was when it hit me hard. I never knew letting you go was going to be that painful, I never knew bidding you farewell was going to hurt so much and I never knew that to see you leave with that uncertainty of it happening again is close to nil will ache this badly.

This felt more like a goodbye rather than an I’ll see you again.

I needed you to think of everything,to not regret so badly because you claim to not know what you want. I want to see you be brave,no matter if it’s for me or someone else.I hope your decision will be something that you won’t ever fully regret and carry in your conscience for the next few years. I hope that you fight for what truly makes you happy.

I hope few years down the road if you see me with someone else, it won’t be regret but rather happiness that you feel.


You and me, we made a vow for better or for worse. I can’t believe you let me down </3 (click the link)





Sometimes we’re so focused on finding our happy ending we don’t learn how to read the signs.

How to tell from the ones who want us and the ones who don’t, the ones who will stay and the ones who will leave. And maybe a happy ending doesn’t include someone, maybe.. it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over, freeing yourself up for something better in the future.


Maybe the happy ending is just moving on.


Or maybe the happy ending is this, knowing after all the unreturned phone calls , broken hearts, through the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment you never gave up hope.